Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Putting Things Into Perspective

Isn't it nice of the Lord to put things into perspective for us. Like when we think something is a big deal and it really isn't, He is so quick to remind us what really is a big deal. And sometimes the Lord gives us glimpses of what He's teaching us before the lesson actually gets into full swing. You know like a trailer to a movie. This week has been a learning week for me. And I think it is just the beginning of an even bigger lesson. Learning times are not really what I desire, but I do know that the testing of my faith develops perseverance and perseverance must finish it's work so that I may be a mature and complete follower of Christ. And so I hold on in hope of seeing the end result...maturity in Christ. Seeing my sons loose a puppy seems so trivial today. (Henry seems pretty good...we'll keep you posted) In my last blog I shared how the Lord showed me the little analogy about holding on too tightly to my treasures. This week I am walking that out. It is a tear stained week. You know when everything you touch gets soggy with tears. And you are walking out of the grocery store and suddenly you realize you are crying. hm. Yes, I am that weirdo that you feel sorry for, but don't really know the right thing to say. I have to keep reminding myself that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Tonight we had a young adults ministry meeting at church. During worship I of course was trying not to snort while trying to be strategic about blotting my mascara so that at least I didn't look like I'd sobbed through every song. My hope really is in the Lord. And tonight I had to choose to worship Him even though I didn't really feel like it. (I am also learning to let my spirit rule over my emotions.) And I will say the Lord really does ride on the praises of His people. I am still sad, but I am full of hope. I am full of peace and I totally trust that the God I serve is so much bigger than my circumstances. Thank you, Jesus!

Friday, May 25, 2007

Holding on Too Tight

Today Ben went with me to World Market to pick up a birthday gift for a friend. We found a couple of fun pairs of earrings, tried on some hats (took a couple of pics) and were ready to check out. After I paid the lady handed Ben the bag to carry to the car. He was so proud of his new "treasure." I carried Ben to the car and set him in the car seat. Then it was time to buckle the 5 point harness. So, I attempted to remove the "treasure" from Ben's tightly clasped hands. I will just say that that was not a popular decision and Ben let me know that very clearly (in a rather ear piercing way). So, I decided to go ahead and buckle the seat belt and allow the shopping bag to be tangled in between the straps of the belt. Well, as you can imagine this was very frustrating to my sweet little man. Although the treasure was still in his hand, it was totally useless. Until he chose to let go of the bag he'd be totally unable to access it.

Immediately the Lord showed me that this is exactly what I often do. I grasp my treasures so tightly and am scared that if I trust my Father and let go of them for an instant, then I will loose them forever. My perspective is blurred and I cannot see that God places more value on my true treasures than I do. And when I let go and allow Him to hold them for me then I will see them at their full potential. I love that about Him. I love how He cares for me. I love how he knows what I need so much more than I do. I love how he knows what I want even more than I do. And He is so willing to shower me with love and blessings and even with just Himself!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Heart Sick over Henry!

About a month ago Patrick and I surprised the boys with a golden retriever puppy, Henry. He has been such a delight to us all. Especially to Ben. They are like the little mob squad. We all laugh as we watch Henry "attack" Ben and watch Ben "love on" Henry. Even the sound of Henry's name flowing from Ben's 1.5 year old mouth makes us smile. My brother and sister decided last weekend that it would probably be spelled "H-E-I=G-H-R-Y" if it were up to Ben's language. And Luke has loved caring for Henry. Feeding him. Leash training him. Taking him out to potty. And teaching him not to eat his Legos.

However, yesterday we learned that Henry's health is very poor. He is less than half of his ideal weight, has an extremely low protein count in his blood, low blood count, and the list continues. His belly has gotten really large (like the starving children you see in third world nations) in the past two days as well. Although he eats all the time, he is very malnourished. The Kemp house is heart broken. We have Henry on several meds, multivitamins, and prescription dog food and are praying that his condition will improve in the next two weeks. The vet fears that Henry has a congenital problem in his digestive system, liver, or kidney. Which would not be cured in by the meds. If this is the case, there is not much hope for our sweet puppy.

I am of course sad, but most of all my heart hurts for my kids. They love their puppy. They are so proud of him. Luke told a lady a the grocery store this morning that "My Henry is at home." When Henry stayed at the vet overnight Ben walked around saying "Heighry. Love Heighry. Heighry kennel? Kiss Heighry." I know this would be only the first of many losses that my kids will experience in their lives. And I trust that the Lord will hold their hearts through all trials that they ever encounter. However, knowing that their hearts can hurt hurts mine even more. I wish I could just intercept all heartache coming their way and bear it myself. I wish that I could take all of their pains away. But I cannot. And it would not be fair to them if I tried. Because we have a God that wants Luke and Ben to learn to let Him be the great comforter that He is. The Lord wants Luke and Ben to learn to allow Him to carry their burdens. And that is my role as a mother. Not to protect them from all heart ache and pain, but to direct them to the One that longs to hold their hearts in His hands. They have a heavenly Father that loves them more than I do. I must choose to not shelter them from any pain ever, but to walk with them through the pain in a way that will woo their tiny hearts to the heart of a big big God. It is my job to train them even now how to handle their emotions and where to place them and where to find shelter from the storms of life so that one day when I am not by their side they will be well prepared to choose to trust God on their own. And knowing all this, it is still so hard to even think of them feeling any pain...ever. So, I choose to trust God!

Luke has been praying for Henry. "Come on Jesus, we know you can do it." His faith is so strong.

Monday, May 21, 2007

The Boys!

Beyond loving the Lord. The greatest pleasure in my life comes from my boys. All three of them! My entire life I've dreamt of being a wife and mother...and here I am living in my dream. There are of course chaotic moments that I forget that this was my dream and wonder why I've chosen such an unglorified path. However, the Lord is always quick to remind me that this is exactly what I was created to do. And I really believe that. There is no greater fulfillment for me than to see my husband succeed at what he does and to fulfill the calling God has placed on his life and to see my boys growing already into the men that God created them to be. I love being a helpmate and hate that I can't do a perfect job all the time. I love being a mom and hate that I'm not perfect at that either. But I'll keep pressing on because the reward is so sweet!